I always loved Christmas. I had to spend it by myself a few times, but it didn’t dampen my Christmassy spirit. I would decorate the tree and send cards long in advance. I would go around shops, look at decorations and listen to carols, buy gifts for friends, cook Christmas fare, dress up my dogs in reindeer horns, plan meetings with my girlfriends and have customary pre-Christmas lunches in UK. I would go to Christmas concerts and visit our local church to sing seasonal hymns.
This second corona Christmas is different. My family lives in California and I don’t want to visit them right now for fear of being stuck there if any regulations will change, which they do, with day’s warning. Or get stuck because it will turn out I have corona unknowingly and cannot board the plane either way. Or, after 12 hour flight I will drag corona to my daughter’s house and might give it to my tiny granddaughter. I even resigned from having Christmas with my 84 year old mother who lives in Poland, not too far from where I am. She refuses being vaccinated and if she caught the virus it might be me who gave it to her.
One of my closest friends is battling breast cancer, another one had a biopsy a few days ago and we will know before Christmas if her illness is serious. My sweet, little dog has died 6 weeks ago and I still grieve for her. I have enough reasons to not think about decorations which are sitting unpacked in the box I brought down from the attic week ago. I hanged a small wreath in one of my windows, but it looks very sad and lonesome there, and I only did it because all my neighbours have colourful, blinking lights all over their homes. I felt I had to do something to fit in. So, I woke up this morning and thought that I don’t have to do anything. I don’t care if people think about me as the female Christmas Grouch. If they do, so what? I don’t feel like Christmas and am calling it off officially this year. I hope that Christmas 2022 will truly be merry, enjoyed with my family, and everyone I worry about today, will be still with us.
Merry Christmas.
Lakehaus Lebehn 